Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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