Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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