My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
