This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
