Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are the jesus of drinking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
