If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
