I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
