we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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