Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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