She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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