So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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