what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
