there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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