I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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