while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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