He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
