I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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