only if we run a train.
done.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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