I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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