her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
