I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
