I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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