I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
