Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
