Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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