apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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