First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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