At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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