Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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