if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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