ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
