i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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