Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
