Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
