Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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