Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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