ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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