i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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