I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
