weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
