I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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