fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
