Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
