someone owes me an orgasm
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
