you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
