so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
