bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
