any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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