Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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