I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
