how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
