I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
