Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You're like the curious george of whores
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
